Torn

Before anybody asks...

Yes, I am still here.

And yes, I am still alive. Barely. lol

So, life around here has been craaaaaaaaaazy. I offically started my TSS job a few weeks ago. I have 3 kiddos (all boys) with varying degrees of special needs. I started my first week with just one kiddo... basically just trying to get the feel of things and getting to know him. Last week, I met my second and third clients and started with the second last week. I was supposed to start with my third the beginning of this week, but he was taken into the hospital on Sunday. Turns out he had appendicitis and had to have his appendix out on Monday... so I probably won't start with him until next week. Basically, I'll be gone from 8 in the morning until about 7 at night. Then, once I get home, I have to do paperwork (which usually takes about an hour or so). Plus, I have weekly supervision for an hour and drive time between clients. I'm also still working my retail job on Saturday mornings... which means that my only day off is Sunday.

And on top of ALL of that, I have laundry and dishes and my regular housework to keep up with on a daily basis. In all honesty, I'm not doing a very good job... with the housework part of it as least. I'm keeping up with laundry and dishes for the most part, but there's SO much more stuff that I have to do that I haven't had a chance to do. I need to vacuum/mop and I need to clean the bathroom... I need to pick up the living/diningroom and I still have my crap allllllllll over the attic room that needs put away.

In all honesty, I CAN do it. I know that I can do it, but at the same time, I would have absolutely no down-time... I would have no time to decompress and de-stress. I can't live that way. I really don't think that anybody can. A person would just explode if they tried to do everything all the time by themselves. If you can do it without exploding, kudos to you... but I can't (and I know I can't).

But at the same time, I can't ask Master for help. Well, I can... but I CAN'T. For one, His back and knee has been really bothering Him lately (not to mention His arm). Plus, He's really stressed with everything going on right now and not working (though He did work today and will go in tomorrow... not sure about Friday yet). And another thing... I am HIS and I am supposed to take care of all this shit. Whenever He does stuff (for instance, the dishes), I always feel bad that I didn't get it done. I enjoy doing things for Master... I enjoy making Him happy. But lately, I just feel angry with Him because He's not helping. No, I haven't asked Him for help, but part of me thinks that He should know without me asking that I need some help (even though I know that's not right).

I'm torn. I don't want to be angry with Master, but I also don't want to ask Him for His help. I am His submissive, and therefore, I should be the one to keep up with everything. There's only so many hours in the day though. I don't know what to do...

<3 Master's lil one, Jade

Been awhile

It's been awhile.

Yes I am still here... and yes I am still alive.

Things have been REALLY hectic around here lately. I started a new job as a TSS and I'm finally getting into the swing of things. It's hard being gone from 8 a.m. until almost 7 p.m. And then when I get home, I have to do my paperwork... which takes somewhere between and hour and an hour and a half. On top of that, I have dishes to do, a dog to walk, coffee to make... etc etc etc. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to survive. Don't get me wrong, I love working with my kiddos, but at the same time, it's VERY emotionally draining.

Things with Master are good. I still love Him more and more everyday and He still loves me. Right now, that's pretty much what's getting U/us through day to day. His back is out... so He's having trouble sleeping (which is, in turn, disturbing my sleep) and doing just about anything else. *le sigh*

I'm getting ready for off to work... and all I want to do is go back to sleep. lol Sunday... sleep in day. *laughs at self* Ok... yeah right! W/we have the kiddo this weekend... and he ALWAYS gets Master and I up at like 7:30 or so (though Master does try and keep him from waking me up, it doesn't always work).

Ok... and I'm off. *mutters to self- pack lunch, eat breakfast, possibly balance checkbook...*

<3 Master's lil one, Jade