It's just been one of those days...
Aimless... listless... sad... happy... frustrated... lost... confused... worried...
Just some of the feelings coursing through my mind and heart right now.
Perhaps I'm too selfless?
Perhaps I'm too selfish?
I don't know what it is... all I know is that it's killing me inside. It's ripping me apart from the inside out and it hurts like crazy.
I feel as though I'm wandering alone... lost in a forest with no moon to light my path.
I'm waiting... waiting for someone to come lead me from the thick, heavy darkness that sometimes to be all consuming.
Won't somebody come find me?
Won't somebody hold me tight?
I don't want riches or glitz or glamour.
I don't want perfection or dreams.
I have my dreams... I have my wants and my needs.
Yet, I am realistic and I know that I will not always get everything that I want... that my dreams will not always come true.
But what I want I always thought would be obtainable.
I'm so torn... torn into so many pieces that no matter how many things fall into place I always feel as though I'm missing something.
I don't want to be the one who's never satisfied with she has... yet, I don't want to settle for less than the best.
It's just been one of those days...
For thinking...
For fighting...
For needing to be held...
For holding someone...
For wanting...
For frustration...
For love...
For happiness...
For sadness...
For...
Life.
<3 Master's lil one, Jade
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Speedy Quick...
So...
Time for a speedy quick blog before plopping my butt in bed and crashing out for the night...
School is officially over for the summer. Final grades are in... all 3 classes = A. I'm pretty psyched. I honestly wasn't sure I'd do that well with working 2 jobs and being in school for my MSW (which means massive paper writing) on top of juggling a family life. So, for me to be able to pull off A's in all 3 of my courses was really worth the 6 weeks of complete and total lack of sleep! I think my body is still trying to catch up for all the nights where I got 4-5 (or less) hours of sleep because I was up doing discussion boards and research and writing papers. Even though I am still working 2 jobs and going nuts, I feel as though my workload is insanely light. Even though Friday was my last day of school, I have felt myself almost in a state of panic and wandering around aimlessly for a few minutes wondering what to do with myself. It's pretty funny actually. By the time I get back into the swing of no school, it will be fall and I'll need to get back into the swing of having school. It'll be so worth it in the long run... when I graduate in May with my MSW and be well on my way.
On a totally different note...
Master and I just celebrated (and by celebrated I really mean did actually nothing other than mention it in a 5 minute conversation) O/our 2-year anniversary (of being collared to Him). It's all weird trying to remember 2 seperate "anniversaries" even though W/we really don't celebrate either one. If Master and I had more money, I would suggest that W/we go out to eat somewhere to celebrate both the anniversary and my school grades, but W/we don't have the money. So I suppose I'll settle for some cuddle time... which means He'll sit and poke me and be all goofy while I'm attemping to cuddle with Him. Oh well. C'est la vie... life goes on and at least I get a little bit of time with Him.
Really, things are going pretty ok for U/us. There's a lot of crap that W/we're dealing with right now, but W/we have each O/other and that's really what matters most to me. I have Him... He has me... and there's a lot of love between U/us. I know I have my childish fits and meltdowns, but usually it's a compilation of things ending with something He said or did that I took the completely wrong way and I just freaked out. I suppose part of that is just stress leaking out to give me a little relief. Master and I rarely fight... so perhaps it's good that W/we have a little spat now and again (even if it is usually just me blowing off steam).
For now, however, I am going to go face first into bed and barely get myself situated before passing out until my alarm rudely awakens me in the morning. lol
<3 Master's lil one, Jade
Time for a speedy quick blog before plopping my butt in bed and crashing out for the night...
School is officially over for the summer. Final grades are in... all 3 classes = A. I'm pretty psyched. I honestly wasn't sure I'd do that well with working 2 jobs and being in school for my MSW (which means massive paper writing) on top of juggling a family life. So, for me to be able to pull off A's in all 3 of my courses was really worth the 6 weeks of complete and total lack of sleep! I think my body is still trying to catch up for all the nights where I got 4-5 (or less) hours of sleep because I was up doing discussion boards and research and writing papers. Even though I am still working 2 jobs and going nuts, I feel as though my workload is insanely light. Even though Friday was my last day of school, I have felt myself almost in a state of panic and wandering around aimlessly for a few minutes wondering what to do with myself. It's pretty funny actually. By the time I get back into the swing of no school, it will be fall and I'll need to get back into the swing of having school. It'll be so worth it in the long run... when I graduate in May with my MSW and be well on my way.
On a totally different note...
Master and I just celebrated (and by celebrated I really mean did actually nothing other than mention it in a 5 minute conversation) O/our 2-year anniversary (of being collared to Him). It's all weird trying to remember 2 seperate "anniversaries" even though W/we really don't celebrate either one. If Master and I had more money, I would suggest that W/we go out to eat somewhere to celebrate both the anniversary and my school grades, but W/we don't have the money. So I suppose I'll settle for some cuddle time... which means He'll sit and poke me and be all goofy while I'm attemping to cuddle with Him. Oh well. C'est la vie... life goes on and at least I get a little bit of time with Him.
Really, things are going pretty ok for U/us. There's a lot of crap that W/we're dealing with right now, but W/we have each O/other and that's really what matters most to me. I have Him... He has me... and there's a lot of love between U/us. I know I have my childish fits and meltdowns, but usually it's a compilation of things ending with something He said or did that I took the completely wrong way and I just freaked out. I suppose part of that is just stress leaking out to give me a little relief. Master and I rarely fight... so perhaps it's good that W/we have a little spat now and again (even if it is usually just me blowing off steam).
For now, however, I am going to go face first into bed and barely get myself situated before passing out until my alarm rudely awakens me in the morning. lol
<3 Master's lil one, Jade
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